HEY SINGLES - LISTEN UP!

Soon our Love and Respect Conference season will be in full swing. It’s a season Sarah and I look forward to with great anticipation as it’s our opportunity to share what God has put on our hearts for marriage. It’s also a time when we get to meet many of you, and keep in touch with not only your struggles, but hopefully your triumphs! 

We often get asked if our Love & Respect conferences and materials are appropriate for singles. The answer to that is a resounding yes! The encouraging thing is that the New Testament assumes that singles who are interested in marriage will pay close attention to what is said to those who are married. There is only so much truth revealed in the Scriptures pertaining to relationships, so those truths become the guidelines.

Sarah and I love to see singles of all ages at our conferences, but we know it takes courage for them to come. This email from a single woman who even went one step further and joined a small group really encouraged us! 

I had the privilege of attending the Love and Respect seminar and Respectfully Yours study with a group of ladies at my church. Because I am single I felt, at first, awkward and inadequate to be part of the group. But later, during the time in study, I discovered why the Lord had prompted me to join the group and why the message is a “life changing” one. Throughout my life, I have observed more broken and dysfunctional marriages than those which were working and functional. My personal experiences with men had also contributed to my deep discouragement of ever having a functional relationship. It seems to me that one of the goals of my life has been to search and to find the answers to the most painful questions in regard to relationships between male and female. The Love and Respect message helped me to understand some of the most fundamental basics of relationships.

I have learned that God did not create us as brother and sister, father and daughter, husband and wife, but he created us as male and female. Dr. Emerson and his wife Sarah taught and shared the secrets of communication codes between male and female. These codes were revolutionary to me. Looking back into my past dating experiences, I could recognize the moments when I had been disrespectful toward my ex-boyfriends. I also realized that I had been disrespectful toward my father, my brothers and my male friends. At that time I believed that respect must be earned in order for one to be treated with respect. However, the bible teaches that like love, respect is unconditional. I felt sorry when I realized how disrespectful I had behaved toward the men in my life, but at the same time I am thankful that the message of Love and Respect had a strong impact on my life.

I have a long way to go but I am so hopeful for my future. I am determined to implement all that I have learned and to demonstrate God’s design for the relationships between male and female. I have already seen the change in my relationship with my brother. I have respect for him because I am a respectful person and he NEEDS my respect. It works!!!

I would greatly recommend that all singles hear the message of Love and Respect. I believe it is the best investment you can make to educate yourself in how to build God’s designed relationships. Love and Respect is one of the best educational resources I have ever come across. (Irina)

Sarah and I hope to see you at a conference this fall!

For captivating videos and more info on how this message applies to singles, check out our daughter Joy’s website: www.loveandrespectnow.com.

~Emerson and Sarah

How to Get the Hell Out of Your Marriage

Nate and Michelle

Have you ever felt like there is so much hell in your marriage that it’s utterly hopeless? That leaving is the ONLY solution? Well, here’s a true story of a marriage that by all accounts was finished. In fact, this couple titled their testimony “How to Get the Hell Out of Your Marriage” after the Devil almost destroyed them. Michelle and Nathan have given us permission to share their incredible story of healing.

There is no situation, no marriage, too difficult for God. He is the One who can get the hell out of your marriage! ~Emerson

Nathan and I have had our road trips to hell and back many times throughout our marriage. Doctors diagnosed me with ADHD, Bi-polar, chronic depression, personality disorder and schizophrenia. Over the years we had both battled with many addictions in different forms, at different times. Our home life was a mess, so my husband spent his time diving into his work and ministry. He might’ve been failing at home but outside the house he was doing “great things in the Lord.”

The last bout was the enemy’s one last shot to destroy our family completely. I found myself drawn to internet pornography. It became such an intense addiction that I could not break it and it turned into adultery. I had been overcome by this evil but could not break free. I decided that ending my life would be better than this. Then my family intervened and I was admitted to a mental hospital. From there I went straight into rehab only to get kicked out. I ended up in a homeless Christian mission that had a recovery program. But amidst my battle and mental torment I fell again, and ended up back on the street. 

After several weeks the Lord started drawing me back. I didn’t know what deliverance was but I knew I needed to be free. Nate and I slowly began to be drawn by the Lord to the place of restoration, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I was still living on the streets when I got myself into a “Celebrate Recovery” program. At this point I reached out to a local church for help to get my family back. They connected me with a woman named Lisa whose marriage was changed through Love and Respect Ministries. At this point everyone that had been in our lives had pretty much given up on us. But the Lord had given Nate a word to “pursue your wife” when it looked the darkest, and the Lord also gave me a word that “I will restore you to your family.” 

We came across a deliverance ministry and something inside me said, “This is it; this is where my freedom lies.” I also started going to a Motivating Your Man God’s Way ladies’ group. I was going to learn how to treat my husband. No one had really taught me that. OH MY - it was hard! The respect thing did not come naturally to me and went against everything I believed to be true. Everything on the inside of me screamed “This is SO WRONG” but it was so right because it was what the Lord instructed. Through many nights of Lisa’s coaching & my small group’s accountability, I applied these principles. I learned that when I did, everything usually ended up the way I wanted it to, even though I was so sure that it wouldn’t. It’s amazing how we think God’s way won’t work - that our way is better - but God truly knows best. When I obey His word He makes sure that everything works together for the good.

I was on the street for a total of 9 months when I moved back home. I went through deliverance ministry and was healed and delivered from the ADHD, the bi-polar, everything that had me bound. I was able to come off all 8 of my medications. I have been medication free for 3 ½ years! Nate and I renewed our vows in 2010. We are moving forward in the restoration process of our family. We’re not perfect, but we are doing what God has called us to do.

I continue to apply the Love and Respect teaching to my life. I recently went through Respectfully Yours and was able to walk away from that with even more revelation. It’s not a marriage crisis but a crisis of faith. God is not asking me to do these things because He wants to hurt me but because He loves me.

We want to give God all the Glory! We were hopeless and should not be here today. But God said NO - this family is mine! ~Nate and Michelle

What Am I Worth?

Photo Credit

A testimony from Jacki…

For many years my husband and I would get caught up in the Crazy Cycle. Of course we didn't realize it at all and both just assumed that this was married life. I mean, marriage is hard right? Happily ever after is only a fairy tale. When it comes to marriage we do the best we can, and try to make the best out of the results.

This approach didn't feel right, but I knew no better. I knew that I had to submit to my husband, but after some time I began feeling like my opinions and feelings didn't matter. All my submitting, attempts at gentleness, all my words of love were not getting me anywhere. I was getting to where I flat out didn’t like my husband very much. AND, I thought that was ok. I didn't have to like him or even love him to be married; I just had to make the day to day work. My husband lived in a dream world where he didn't have a clue to my feelings. If you asked him, everything was hunky dory. I was absorbing everything myself, and slowly dying inside.

Then I realized that I had within me the ability and power to more actively engage and fight for my marriage. Through Love and Respect (specifically the women’s study) I realized that God did not want me to have a mediocre marriage. That he wanted my husband and I to be passionate about each other, and also that He has given me, ME the power and ability to proactively do things that specifically speak to my husband’s heart to help him see mine. I realized that it didn't matter what world my husband lived in, nor how he responded to me, that would determine my actions in my marriage. My actions would be determined by the Word of God and who I am in Him. Once I learned to put my identity in Christ, not in my husband, I was truly able to give my husband what he really needed... unconditional respect.

Thank you so much for your faithfulness that made this story true. (Jacki)

Taken from the Respectfully Yours DVD study

A Note to the Women from Sarah…

As a Pastor’s wife for nearly 20 years, I have a real heart for all the women out there who are working hard to “do it all.” I know women are strong and can handle a lot. But I also know we become burdened by all that isn’t perfect in our relationships: with our husbands, our children, or – for those who aren’t yet married - your boyfriends.

As a child of divorce, I wanted nothing more than to have a happy intact family. But it’s not so easy as wanting it…it takes a lot of work. As a young wife and mother of 3, I needed lots of support to stay on course with doing marriage God’s way…and I’ll bet you do too.

That’s why I was so excited to participate in Love and Respect’s first women’s DVD study, titled “Respectfully Yours.” Since we launched this 8 week study last fall, we have been blown away by the feedback that has been pouring in! This isn’t a magic formula, and it’s not a way to manipulate your man to do what you want. It’s a challenge to all of us to focus on whether we believe God is good…and if He is, can we trust Him to know what’s best for our marriage?

In the next few weeks we’ll be sharing testimonies from women who have put this to the test. Let’s start by hearing from a woman who decided to facilitate Respectfully Yours in her church. Here’s what happened:

I just finished facilitating your new Respectfully Yours class at my church and I couldn't wait to tell you how fantastic it is...I was very excited when this new study came out, and I have to say it went beyond any expectations I had!

Last night was our last session and one gal came in beaming to show off her engagement ring. (There were five single gals who came.) Another woman who had previously shared a struggle in getting her husband to help with meal preparation, shared that a day after she told him the things she respected about him, he came out to the kitchen and asked if he could help her cut tomatoes! Another one shared how the second week of the study, she and her husband were at the end of their ropes, ready to end it due to a huge battle regarding an ongoing issue but by the 8th session have renewed their relationship and come to an agreement on the issue. Another said "our communication is great, I am making sure to do more shoulder to shoulder activities with him. I can't explain it but I feel love radiating from him."

Even those who are struggling with desperate situations are re-committed to not quitting and doing what they can to restore their marriages and to be obedient to God in order to hear that “well done.” Here's what one of them said: "I have more peace now than I ever had, even amidst the chaos and uncertainty in my life and marriage." Many noted how the class deepened their faith, as well as improving communication with their man.

All of the ladies noted how much they learned about themselves, about being obedient to God's commands and knowing who we are in Christ - strong, dignified daughters of the king. This course does a great job of focusing on ourselves rather than our husbands.

I can't find the right words to express the excitement and energy in the room where we were meeting - no one would leave! Anyway, loved, loved this study - thank you so much for your ministry and for all the lives God has touched and will touch through you.

In Him,

~DG

Ladies, I would love to have you discover the secret to power and influence in your marriage. You can watch a free video trailer here and learn more at loveandrespect.com/respectfully-yours.

Respectfully Yours,
~Sarah Eggerichs

Christmas Chaos

Although we know that Christmas is supposed to be about Jesus, we can’t deny that the busyness of the holiday season can zap us of our time, energy and patience. Furthermore, the anticipation of gathering with extended family and in-laws is not always pleasant. Soon our focus drifts from the very reason we are so busy and we find ourselves in the midst of Christmas chaos!

Here’s what one wife writes:

The holidays are coming up, which are going to lead to all sorts of interaction with my husband’s family and is therefore an especially hot time for us with our problems. In desperation I began a woman's study of the Motivating your Man books with some girlfriends. I've also been listening to the CD's again in my car.

Here's the miracle - two days ago, my husband called to say that another (dreaded for me) family event was coming up. This has been a classic opening to our past arguments. Instead of continuing down my usual path, I said, "More than anything, I want to respect you in this area. I've messed up in the past and I want to tell you again how sorry I am about that. This is just so hard for me. I am so confused about what you need me to do and what I should do, but I want to be respectful. I need you to tell me what looks respectful to you on this matter and help me do that."

Wow. What an amazing difference in the conversation that followed. My husband instantly melted and became very warm and compassionate. He accepted my apology very gracefully, and on his own made a number of apologies about his own past behavior. He began talking about past problems and I was really able to listen to him. He felt understood by me. I was able to talk about things I have tried to talk about or have wanted to say for years - and he listened. For the first time ever, I finally felt he heard me, tried to put himself in my place, and acknowledged that he saw how difficult some of the situations we struggle with have been for me. He then proceeded to tell me exactly what he wanted me to do, and how he wanted me to handle these family functions that have been so difficult.

What he asked for is reasonable and something I feel I can do. More than that, for the first time I feel like I have his love and support and understanding about these tough things and that alone is going to make it easier to be in hard situations. I'm not sure if this seems small or big to you, but for me it is an earth shattering, marriage changing turning point. (~Katie)

As you head into this Christmas season are you willing to make this small adjustment to work with, not against, your spouse? Recently we heard back from this wife – now 8 years later – and this “small change” indeed was a major turning point in their marriage! We will share that with you next time, but what will you do to follow this woman’s example? Wives, are you willing to soften your approach as this wife did? Husbands, can you lovingly seek to understand your wives?

Instead of continuing down your usual path of Christmas chaos, make the Love & Respect change. It really is the best gift you can give each other!

~Emerson

p.s.

Ladies, be sure to also check out our new Women's DVD Study, Respectfully Yours: The Secret to Power and Influence in Your Marriage

YOU Can Make A Difference!

Photo Credit

We are in the middle of our busy fall conference season.  While living out of suitcases and hotels is not everyone’s idea of fun, we are always filled with wonder and awe at God’s faithfulness as we get to experience changed lives.  And when we receive a letter like this one – telling how a couple went on to share this transforming message with their friends, family and community after their own marriage was changed – well, nothing is more rewarding! 

Will you consider being a light in your community as this “power couple” is?  We would be honored to partner with you to make a difference.

Many thanks to Cheryl and Eduardo for allowing us to share their letter with you!

~Emerson & Sarah

Dear Emerson and Sarah, We went to the Live Conference in Grants Pass, Oct. 12-13.  We SO enjoyed it and were so touched by hearing the power of your message AGAIN.  We have had the privilege and blessing of leading small Love and Respect groups over the past 5 years.  We are in awe of how God is using this truth-filled material to change people's hearts.  

Thank you both so very much for persevering with this mission ~  to strengthen marriages, bring hope and restoration, giving us tools to hang on to and apply, if our hearts are willing and obedient.  Twenty couples from Crescent City, California went also, one saying it was their "last ditch effort.”  They went forward at the end, to put a stake in the ground for their marriage!  My own parents, sister and brother-in-law went forward too!  Four of the couples were in the 18-35 year old range and were greatly impacted! 

 We purchased the Respectfully Yours curriculum for future women's studies.  I have viewed the DVD's and plan to look over the study guide.  I am again moved by the heart issues so wonderfully addressed. 

 We are also hoping to offer a Video Conference in our area in the Spring.  Unless of course you could fit us in your LIVE Conference schedule?! 

 We are praying for more small group facilitators and have couples in mind that may have that desire. 

 We will pray for God's plans and future directions for how we can impact our community all the more.  We share your passion and thank you for how this has healed and transformed our own struggling marriage.  We will celebrate our 30th anniversary in January.  Our best years have been since we came to know the Love andRespect way!!!  

God bless and refresh you both~ 

Cheryl and Eduardo