“My husband and I have had problems since our first year of marriage. I seriously believe I married the wrong person. Do I need to stay stuck in this marriage and be miserable the rest of my life?”
Most of us are familiar with the phrase “until death do you part” in the wedding vows. The Christian view is that marriage is for keeps, but this is a value that is under constant attack in our present-day culture. But, most people do believe they were right for one another when they said “I do.” So ask yourself what has changed since you walked down that aisle?
Matthew 19:6 says, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Jesus’ words are a powerful reminder that God has joined you together, not some human legal requirement. I hear from many couples who are very sure of this. Regardless of marital bumps, they say, “We know God brought us together.”
When you got married, did you believe God brought you together? Think back to how that happened. How was God’s hand evident? When times get tough, it’s tempting to second guess the decisions that brought us there. But good counsel during such times is, “Don’t doubt in the dark what God showed you in the light.” In other words, few couples walk down the aisle convinced they are making a mistake! But once the problems of marriage come, we tend to focus on only the negative and forget the good that brought us together.
Sincere believers start out wanting to keep their vows, but for many, something goes awry on the road to wedded bliss. One spouse writes: “I believe in my heart that God brought us together, but we can’t talk to each other at all without getting into a huge fight.” And another says: “Because we felt so strongly that God led us together, we were so puzzled that after only one year we were so unhappy and having so much conflict.”
If you are feeling “stuck” in a cycle of conflict, you are not alone. We call this the Crazy Cycle! As Paul says, “Those who marry will face many troubles” (1 Corinthians 7:28 NIV). For precisely this reason, Sarah and I are committed to spreading the word about the Love & Respect Connection. This Connection can keep the marriage bond strong and, if necessary, heal hurts and pain from the past. There is hope!
Reread Matthew 19:6 carefully. You and your spouse are one, joined together by God, not to be separated by anyone. I used to think it took a third party to break up a marriage; now I realize the greatest danger lies within. Having challenges in your marriage does not mean you or God made a mistake; it simply means you must learn to do marriage God’s way: obey His command to love and respect with renewed faith and commitment. If anything will kill a marriage it is anger, suspicion, and failing to give each other the benefit of the doubt. God brought us together and He will keep us together as we do our marriage as unto Him.
Have you turned to God to help you keep together what He has brought together? God does not intend for you to be miserable. He is a God of hope, who came that you might have abundant life! Check out our website for resources that will help you discover how to do marriage God’s way. Resolve today to stop the crazy cycle in your marriage!