Can’t Buy Me Love…But Can You Buy Me Truth?

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There’s a song by the Beatles with the theme, “Money can’t buy me love…”  I think most of us would agree with that.  Celebrities with plenty of money and fame move from one relationship to the next searching for love, while others with very little money have remained married and in love for 50 years!

Another famous Beatle’s hit claimed “All you need is love.”  While the Beatles made a lot of money off that proclamation, I would have to say I disagree with them.  Too many marriages today are ending in divorce because love alone is not enough.  Yes, love is vital, especially for the wife, but we have missed a very important part of the marital equation.

What do I mean?  We believe that according to Ephesians 5:33, love is not enough!  In this passage, Paul is exhorting the men to love their wives, but he doesn’t tell the wives to love their husbands.  Instead, he exhorts the wives to respect their husbands.  Could this be the missing ingredient in all those marriages that end in divorce?

We believe it is, based on God’s Word as well as scientific research. That’s why Sarah and I embarked on a mission over 10 years ago to get this message to the world through our Love & Respect marriage conferences.

Many of the couples who attend our conferences have good marriages.  So why do they attend?  Because they invest the time, effort, and finances to maintain a satisfying and stable marriage.

I love what Solomon said: "Buy truth... get wisdom and instruction and understanding" (Proverbs 23:23). One commentator said, "Buying the truth suggests spending whatever energy or financial resources are necessary to acquire truth..." (Bible Knowledge Commentary).

Buy truth? Yes. You did for your formal education every time you wrote out a tuition check! And this is why I take just a little issue with the song, “Can’t Buy Me Love.”  Obviously, I agree with the premise, but I also know that what is important in life is worth investing in…even financially.

Does this mean anyone who buys truth becomes wise? Solomon addressed that point. “Why should fools have money in hand to buy wisdom, when they are not able to understand it?" (Proverbs 17:16 TNIV).  A commentator wrote, “A fool is so simple he thinks he can buy wisdom. He comes with money in hand, but fails to realize he lacks the one resource necessary for gaining wisdom: a genuine, heartfelt desire for it” (BKC).

Not everyone who buys truth becomes wise. We must also invest the time and energy to apply the truth we’ve paid to receive.  Will you join us at a Love & Respect Marriage Conference and find out how to apply this TRUTH from God’s Word?  During these financially tough times many who attend the Love and Respect marriage conference profoundly impress me. These people are making sure their marriages do not die. They intend to experience marital harmony, enjoy the marital journey, and pursue happiness together. They are declaring, "Our marriage matters to us. We are committed to investing in the longest lasting earthly institution that God created. We made a vow for richer or for poorer. Even though finances are tough this is one investment we will not neglect."

We are excited to rev up our fall conference schedule in less than a month!  Will you join us at a Love & Respect Live or Video Conference?  It just might save your marriage!  And that would be worth the investment indeed.

Check out our schedule and we hope to see you there! 

~Emerson and Sarah

Putting Love & Respect into Action!

Today we are honored to feature a video testimonial by Derwin and Vicki Gray.  Derwin is a former NFL player as well as a dynamic speaker and author.  He is also the Founding and Lead Pastor of Transformation Church, a dynamic multi-ethnic, multi-generational, mission-shaped church. Together, Derwin and Vicki also started One Heart At A Time Ministries and are committed not only to one another but to seeing lives transformed through the love, grace and truth of Jesus Christ – one heart at a time.  We are blessed by their commitment to Love & Respect in their marriage and in the lives of those they mentor and lead.  Listen as they share what God has done in their marriage!

~Emerson

View more testimonies of changed marriages on our Testimonials page here.

The Unconditional

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One of the questions I hear the most is some variation of, “Are you telling me I have to unconditionally respect my husband’s bad behavior and become a door mat?   Everyone knows respect must be earned!”

Interestingly, in our culture we don’t have a problem understanding unconditional love… in fact, we see unconditional love as the right of every human being. Imagine expecting our children to “earn” our love!  We would disapprove of such parenting.  Most of us have no problem separating the person from their behavior when it comes to love.  Love the person, hate the sin.  Right?

But mention unconditional respect and some women go through the roof!  Immediately, visions of weak, dependent women flood their minds – along with the inevitable label – DOOR MAT.  Or, they must enter the room with a cheerleading outfit on, waving their pom poms in worshipful adoration of their husbands who are watching Sports Center.

So is this what Christ had in mind for married women?  Not at all!  Let’s take a look at what the Word of God has to say about unconditional respect.

When the Bible reveals that a wife is to respect her husband, it is shown in the same way a husband is to show love to his wife (Eph. 5:33).  Both are unconditional.  However, unconditional does not mean you remove all the healthy conditions that make a marriage succeed.  Unconditional does not mean you go along with bad behavior, giving another person license to do whatever he or she feels.  Unconditional does not mean superficial praise.  Unconditional means that you give the person the gift of love and respect as you confront the issues.  In other words, you recognize that a hostile and contemptuous attitude is ineffective in helping resolve the issues. 

We expect a husband to unconditionally love his wife not by endorsing sin but by lovingly confronting those things he believes are wrong.  The gift he gives her is the gift of a loving tone, facial expression, words and actions while confronting unacceptable behavior.  When God instructed Hosea as a husband, "Go again, love a woman...  an adulteress” (Hosea 3:1), God did not expect Hosea to show love to Gomer his wife, by going along with her adultery. 

Similarly, when Peter instructs a wife to win her disobedient husband with her respectful behavior (1 Peter 3:1,2), God did not expect the wife to show respect by going along with her husband's disobedience. Unconditional love and respect does not sanction bad behavior.  If your spouse lies, steals, cheats or abuses, you must take a stand and lovingly and respectfully confront this.  In the book of Acts, chapter 5, Peter did not affirm Sapphira, the wife of Ananias, for going along with her husband's lie.  She lost her life because she did not respectfully take a stand against her husband's evil.

A husband may not deserve respect because he has not earned respect, but a wife’s disrespect for him is ineffective long-term—and not biblical. No husband responds to disrespectful attitudes any more than a wife responds to unloving and disrespectful attitudes.  Yes, if a wife is lovable, it makes it easy for her husband to love her, but the command of God to love one’s wife has nothing to do with her being lovable.  And if a husband is respectable it makes it easy for a wife to respect him, but the command of God to respect one’s husband has nothing to do with him being respectable.  Put it this way, this is about how we come across when addressing issues.  This is not about our spouse's worthiness.

Unconditional means NO CONDITION can arise that stops you from dealing with the situation in a loving or respectful manner.  We might say your love or respect is UN-situational or UN-circumstantial.  No situation, circumstance or condition in your marriage can CAUSE you to react in hostility or contempt.  No matter the conditions, God calls you to show love and respect to your spouse.  No matter the conditions, you have the freedom to choose a loving and respectful demeanor.   No matter the conditions, your spouse cannot stop you from loving and respecting.

~Emerson

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Click here to learn more about applying respect

in our new DVD study for Women, Respectfully Yours

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Dr. Emerson Reflects on the Aurora, Colorado Tragedy

Emerson shares a powerful biblical principle evidenced in the midst of the horror of the Aurora, Colorado movie theater shootings on July 20, 2012.