March 14, 2012

FAQ: What if we Started our Marriage all Wrong?

Last week I encouraged you to look back on how God brought you and your spouse together.  But what if you weren’t following God when you married?  In fact, what if you started your marriage all wrong?  Does God give us a pass and allow us to walk away and start over?

Aside from the marriage statistics that reveal second and third marriages have even greater chances of failure, there are many reasons to stay together rather than walk away.  In J. Waite’s book, The Case for Marriage, comprehensive research findings have staggered the thinking of many.  In studying unhappy couples – and we mean unhappy – scholars sought to know how many of these couples remained miserable if they stayed in the marriage.  Five years after reporting their unhappiness in marriage, seventy percent of the unhappiest couples testified that they were “very” or “quite” happy in their marriage.  Only 12 percent of very unhappily married couples who stuck it out were still unhappy.  Though good marriages go bad, bad marriages go good!

Bottom line:  No matter what brought you together, if you put your trust in God right here, right now, and determine to do marriage God’s way…there is hope for you. 

Here is a testimony that illustrates even a couple who started out all wrong, can turn things around:

My husband and I rushed into our relationship, rushed to move in together and rushed to get married - never acknowledging our issues until after we were married. Before I found your book, we were actually at the point where we were thinking  our marriage was a mistake. When I brought your book home I told my husband that this would be “the last straw to making our marriage work" and asked him if he would read it with me.
 Well we began your book, and I can see changes happening in our marriage, and in the friendship that my husband and I have together. It is an indescribable feeling to be reading a passage in your book and be like "Wow - is that me?” or “Do I really act like this?” So Thank You! Thank You! We are beginning to have the marriage that we always wanted to have with each other!!!

Does your marriage feel hopeless?  Don’t give up!  Rely on the Lord to show you what he wants you to learn through this time.  The couple in the testimony above were teachable…asking themselves, “Is that me?  Do I really act like this?”  What does God want to teach you during this tough season in your marriage?  It’s not too late if you put your hope and trust in God!


Anonymous said...

Dear Emerson & Sarah, I am so thankful that you picked up this ministry. Our society does not nurture marriages! I encourage young people who are getting, or are married to read your book. It is just a great work that you and Sarah do. God bless you as you are blessing others with your work! Thank you, Cindy

Anonymous said...

Yes, Thank you for your wonderful words and inspiring, thought provoking testimonies of the wonders that God gives us each day.
I am a product of the "marriage to the wrong person" and we did divorce. I was not looking for the "easy way out", but my spouse was not able to commit to myself, much less the Lord.
Now as I stand before him, ready to embark on a second marriage, my fiance and I have been hearing your words here, along with other biblical thoughts on marriage, and we beleive that the lord has given us the one, equally yoked person to share in this world and to do Gods works.

Waz said...

I am [almost] where you are Anonymous2 ... in a strong, God-centered relationship many years after my marriage failed. My ex-spouse also could not commit himself to our marriage; it absolutely takes two! I am grateful to Emerson and Sarah's Love and Respect because I am learning - before I remarry - how to be married and choose my spouse with God's blessing. How many marriages would be saved (or avoided!!) if the couples committed to Love & Respect first!!

Anonymous said...

My wife and I entered into marriage for reasons which were too wrong to even mention. Addictions, co-dependency issues. These issues plagued us for the first 11 years of our marriage. In our 11th year with a young son, we came to the breaking point and I was ready to leave and she had already given up and was looking for a way out.

We came to a realization that marriage was a covenant between us and God and we could not simply walk away. We owed it to God, ourselves and our son to find a way out of the cycle of insanity we were stuck in.

We were both Christians in the verbal sense but I believe neither of us had a relationship with Christ. We began to delve deeper into our faith, together, and study God's word together and decided that in order to move forward we had to forgive each other and ourselves for what we had done in the past.

Our Church began a couples class and your DVD study was used. I was amazed (gross understatement) how this instantly made everything crystal clear to us both.

Today I believe that we have one of the strongest relationships of the people we know. We are focused on God first then each other. If we act unloving or disrespectful we are quick to admit and ask forgiveness for the offending action or statement. For me it is still had to to tell her that what she said or did made me feel disrespected but I acknowledge that and I am working on that.

Thank you for a God centered image of marriage and a program that helped us both understand the Biblical issues at stake in marriage. Thank you for helping to give us and our son a better life today.

african girl said...

Thank God I found your blog and read this important topic. I can't imagine how worst the relationship could be if it started wrong at all. I've seen couples who are unhappy to their marriage life. It's indeed the worst mistake you ever did.

For me, to those individuals who plan to get married at the early stage be sure to be prepared for the worst possible struggles you could ever imagine.

I'll be glad to share this book of yours to my friends and they will surely love it. Keep up the good work Emerson and Sarah.

Anonymous said...

What if you feel hopeless about yourself, changing, your personal relationship with Jesus?

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