“I Prayed for God to Heal my Marriage” ~ Tony & Ginger Buffkin Video Testimony

Continuing our theme on the resurrection and healing power of God, meet Tony and Ginger. Be encouraged as they share how their broken marriage was restored. As Tony states, Love and Respect “is good, practical, down-to-earth advice.”

Listen as they share how these principles helped them see each other in a new way and how they made a conscious choice to do things differently.


 

AACC Marriage America ~ Dr. Emerson Eggerichs ~ American Family Radio Interview (Part Two)

Earlier this month we had the privilege of attending and speaking at the AACC Marriage America Conference in Orlando, Florida. 

This week we are sharing Part Two of Emerson’s interview with American Family Radio. Get a glimpse of what Love and Respect is all about, how it started, and what we mean by the Crazy Cycle!  

The Wounded Healer – American Family Radio Interview (Part One)

Last week Emerson had the privilege to attend and speak at the AACC Marriage America Conference in Orlando, Florida. 

American Family Radio interviewed Emerson on site at the AACC Conference and we’d like to share Part One with you today.  Get a rare glimpse of his own personal testimony and hear his encouragement that we all have the privilege to be Wounded Healers.

“We are the true physicians of the soul. Many of us can do that because we have our own past pain.

We all come to a point where these past issues, these wounds, might enable us to understand the pain of others."

~Emerson

Easter ~ A Marriage Resurrected!

Dear Friends,

During this Easter season let's be reminded that the Resurrected Christ is able to bring a dead marriage back to life... 

Read this amazing story! ~Emerson

A Marriage Resurrected!

About 6 years ago my husband and I were in a terrible place in our marriage. We had just welcomed our 2nd child into our little family. Unfortunately she came into a not so healthy marriage/family. My husband and I were very unloving and disrespectful to each other and we were barely hanging in there.

When our daughter was 6 months old our marriage was rocked by infidelity and we separated. I was devastated and left with a precious 3 year old son and beautiful 6 month old baby girl. My biggest fear all my life was to be a single parent. I grew up in a broken home (actually never met my earthly father) and had several step-fathers. My husband also came from a broken home (his dad exited when he was a baby). It was a dark and depressing time in our lives. We were not attending church and honestly did not have a real relationship with Christ.

While we were separated a dear friend of mine suggested we meet with her small group leaders and by God’s great plan they had another couple there that my husband and I immediately connected with. At this time we both had divorce attorneys and had little hope. The couple that we connected with became Godly mentors to us. They kept in touch with us, encouraged us and always pointed us back to the Lord.

During this time I began going to church and was doing a lot of reading recommended by my mentor…I realized very quickly I had been disrespecting my husband since day one! It was a shot to the heart. I sat down, wrote him an email and asked for forgiveness for being so disrespectful...It was like blinders had been removed from my eyes. I was at a place of brokenness in understanding my huge part in where our marriage was and how I had hurt this man that I loved deeply. I quickly realized how controlling and disrespectful I had been; I also realized that type of behavior was what I had seen in my own family for years and had a deeper understanding of why my mother’s relationships always failed. I did not want to be a failure.

My husband began coming to church with me and God was doing an amazing work in him as well. I witnessed God break him down and rebuild him, me, and our family. It was a season of hard growth, forgiveness and witnessing miracles. It took about 2 years for us to come out of the storm; there were lots of good days and bad days until one day we looked around and the bad days were very far and few between.

We have since led the Love and Respect small group 8 times (around 100 couples)! This concept played a pivotal role in changing the tide in our marriage from divorce to reconciliation. We have started a new ministry in our church called Marriage Mentoring. We have an intense desire to help marriages, and we believe if two stubborn, selfish people like us could let God change our hearts, well anyone can!!

Your ministry helped save our marriage! If it was not for your book we would be unhappy, bitter, divorced parents continuing a legacy of divorce and a broken family to our beautiful children. The world is full of hurting marriages and if they could apply even a small amount of this message it would change the legacy we are leaving.

~Shannon & April

If you have a testimony of how the Love & Respect message 

has impacted your marriage, we invite you to share that with us here. 

FAQ: I am no longer in love with my husband. In fact, I don’t believe I ever loved him. Wouldn’t it be better for both of us if we get a divorce?

Can I lovingly challenge you?  You are hurting and are about to make a major and I believe a wrong decision.  Pull back.  I cannot justify a divorce based on your report here.

I don't know if you are a Christ-follower, but my view of marriage is based on Christ's commands in the Bible.  God hates divorce, and only allows for biblical divorce based on desertion or adultery.  I assume from your letter that this is not the case for you.  You are saying you do not love your husband and never did love him, therefore you want a divorce. But this is not biblical.  In fact, marriages in biblical times were pre-arranged and "love" as we define it was not even considered.  Half of the marriages around the world are assigned by parents. In these cases, two people learn to love one another.

We know that a person can learn to love and that love does develop and deepen over time.  In fact, even couples who are madly infatuated with one another on their wedding day will have to face this reality over time.  The "feelings" of love disappear as the difficulties of life take over.  Every couple experiences this.  "Love" as they knew it on their wedding day fades.  This is why the divorce rate is out of control. Couples no longer believe in commitment, so they divorce as soon as those feelings of love disappear.  You may not have felt that love even on your wedding day, but today your situation is no different than countless others who "lose" the feeling of love.

We live in a culture where feelings determine everything.  You may have fallen victim to this and now feel overwhelmed by what appears as total darkness and despair.

So, your greatest struggle is to trust and obey Jesus Christ during this time, and act in loving ways because of your faith in Him.  Is this possible?  I believe it is.  In fact, this is what the Bible teaches.  This is God's design for marriage, that we love our spouse AS UNTO CHRIST and not because we FEEL love or because they DESERVE love. (For more understanding on this, read chapters 23 and 24 on The Rewarded Cycle in the book Love and Respect.)


Do the love and respect principles "work" when we do not feel love or respect for our spouse?  Absolutely!  This is what it is all about – giving to someone else no matter what we feel!  I know this sounds impossible and it may even sound harsh to you.  But what if feelings of love for your husband develop after you act in obedience to Christ?  I believe this is not only possible, it is quite likely.  As you get outside of yourself and focus more on the other person, amazing things can happen.


Husband or wife, to abandon your marriage because of your feelings is a grave mistake.  The consequences for this will be serious, both in your soul and in your heart. Christ's commands are there to protect us, not to punish us.  He knows the consequences of divorce will be grave.  He wants to spare you from this because He loves you deeply.


So what should you do?  Find a godly wise mentor who will come alongside you and support you in living out the Rewarded Cycle.  Put your faith in Christ and trust Him with your marriage.  Fulfill the commitment you made on your wedding day, as you made the vow to love in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, so long as you both shall live.  As you focus on your relationship with Christ, He will strengthen you to stay the course and He will give you the desires of your heart!

Are you allowing God to encourage you, or have you closed off to Him?

~Emerson

FAQ: What if we Started our Marriage all Wrong?

Last week I encouraged you to look back on how God brought you and your spouse together.  But what if you weren’t following God when you married?  In fact, what if you started your marriage all wrong?  Does God give us a pass and allow us to walk away and start over?

Aside from the marriage statistics that reveal second and third marriages have even greater chances of failure, there are many reasons to stay together rather than walk away.  In J. Waite’s book, The Case for Marriage, comprehensive research findings have staggered the thinking of many.  In studying unhappy couples – and we mean unhappy – scholars sought to know how many of these couples remained miserable if they stayed in the marriage.  Five years after reporting their unhappiness in marriage, seventy percent of the unhappiest couples testified that they were “very” or “quite” happy in their marriage.  Only 12 percent of very unhappily married couples who stuck it out were still unhappy.  Though good marriages go bad, bad marriages go good!

Bottom line:  No matter what brought you together, if you put your trust in God right here, right now, and determine to do marriage God’s way…there is hope for you. 

Here is a testimony that illustrates even a couple who started out all wrong, can turn things around:

My husband and I rushed into our relationship, rushed to move in together and rushed to get married - never acknowledging our issues until after we were married. Before I found your book, we were actually at the point where we were thinking  our marriage was a mistake. When I brought your book home I told my husband that this would be “the last straw to making our marriage work" and asked him if he would read it with me.
 Well we began your book, and I can see changes happening in our marriage, and in the friendship that my husband and I have together. It is an indescribable feeling to be reading a passage in your book and be like "Wow - is that me?” or “Do I really act like this?” So Thank You! Thank You! We are beginning to have the marriage that we always wanted to have with each other!!!

Does your marriage feel hopeless?  Don’t give up!  Rely on the Lord to show you what he wants you to learn through this time.  The couple in the testimony above were teachable…asking themselves, “Is that me?  Do I really act like this?”  What does God want to teach you during this tough season in your marriage?  It’s not too late if you put your hope and trust in God!

~Emerson

FAQ: What if I Married the Wrong Person?

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“My husband and I have had problems since our first year of marriage. I seriously believe I married the wrong person.  Do I need to stay stuck in this marriage and be miserable the rest of my life?”

Most of us are familiar with the phrase “until death do you part” in the wedding vows. The Christian view is that marriage is for keeps, but this is a value that is under constant attack in our present-day culture. But, most people do believe they were right for one another when they said “I do.”  So ask yourself what has changed since you walked down that aisle?

Matthew 19:6 says, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”  Jesus’ words are a powerful reminder that God has joined you together, not some human legal requirement. I hear from many couples who are very sure of this.  Regardless of marital bumps, they say, “We know God brought us together.”

When you got married, did you believe God brought you together? Think back to how that happened. How was God’s hand evident?  When times get tough, it’s tempting to second guess the decisions that brought us there.  But good counsel during such times is, “Don’t doubt in the dark what God showed you in the light.”  In other words, few couples walk down the aisle convinced they are making a mistake! But once the problems of marriage come, we tend to focus on only the negative and forget the good that brought us together.

Sincere believers start out wanting to keep their vows, but for many, something goes awry on the road to wedded bliss. One spouse writes: “I believe in my heart that God brought us together, but we can’t talk to each other at all without getting into a huge fight.” And another says: “Because we felt so strongly that God led us together, we were so puzzled that after only one year we were so unhappy and having so much conflict.”

If you are feeling “stuck” in a cycle of conflict, you are not alone.  We call this the Crazy Cycle! As Paul says, “Those who marry will face many troubles” (1 Corinthians 7:28 NIV). For precisely this reason, Sarah and I are committed to spreading the word about the Love & Respect Connection. This Connection can keep the marriage bond strong and, if necessary, heal hurts and pain from the past.  There is hope! 

Reread Matthew 19:6 carefully. You and your spouse are one, joined together by God, not to be separated by anyone. I used to think it took a third party to break up a marriage; now I realize the greatest danger lies within. Having challenges in your marriage does not mean you or God made a mistake; it simply means you must learn to do marriage God’s way:  obey His command to love and respect with renewed faith and commitment. If anything will kill a marriage it is anger, suspicion, and failing to give each other the benefit of the doubt. God brought us together and He will keep us together as we do our marriage as unto Him.

Have you turned to God to help you keep together what He has brought together?  God does not intend for you to be miserable. He is a God of hope, who came that you might have abundant life!  Check out our website for resources that will help you discover how to do marriage God’s way.  Resolve today to stop the crazy cycle in your marriage!

~Emerson