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Some years ago when I was pastoring and
my sons Jonathan and David were 11 and 9, we had some missionaries stay in our
home for several days. After a reminder
in how they should behave, they were perfect angels the entire time the
missionaries were there (this may have qualified as a miracle)!
However, minutes after our guests left,
the boys got into a huge wrestling fight. Separating them I said, “What
happened?! You’ve both been so good!”
David said, "We can be good only so long." I replied,
"But I named you Jonathan and David so you'd be best of
friends." To which David replied, “You should have named us Cain and
Abel!”
I felt a mixture of joy and sorrow at
that point: sorrow that they seemed to
be enemies rather than friends, yet joy that David obviously had been listening
to the Bible stories!
So we all
agree there is no perfect family – in fact, most families experience the Family Crazy Cycle on a daily basis.
But there
is a plan to parent God’s way and this plan is the most perfect plan there
is. Does that mean if we follow the
plan, we’ll have a perfect family?
No. Obviously we are all flawed –
so perfection is not possible here on earth.
But it is possible to succeed at parenting in God’s eyes if we follow
His plan regardless.
Malachi
4:6 says: "Elijah will
teach parents how to love their children. He will also teach
children how to honor their parents. If that does not happen, I
will come. And I will put a curse on the land” (NIRV).
Wow. That’s pretty heavy. What else does the Bible say about parenting?
God calls
children to honor (respect) their parents in Exodus 20:12, Matthew 15:4, and
Ephesians 6:2.
And
though God puts agape-love in the heart of a parent, children do not always
feel that unconditional love. Parents readily admit, “I love my child but I do
not like my child.” This is why the older women are to encourage the young
mothers to phileo-love their children in Titus 2:4. This Greek word is the root
of our English word Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love. In other words,
mothers in the home are to be friendlier. Though moms love their kids
unconditionally, they can appear negative and irritated in the home.
As for fathers, though they possess compassion
for their children according to Psalm 103:13, kids do not always feel that love
as dads provoke their children to anger (Ephesians 6:4) and exasperate them so
that they lose heart (Colossians 3:21).
The
parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.
The good
news is that when children feel loved they are motivated to respond positively
to parents. And when parents feel respected they are energized to be lovingly
affectionate with their kids. When these
needs are met, good things happen in the family.
That’s
the perfect plan. But of course, living
this out is much more difficult on a day to day basis. Ironically, parents who are supposed to be
more emotionally mature than their children are often guilty of being just the
opposite. And children do not always
respond to our love in the way we expect.
But
parenting is for adults only. And as
adults, the responsibility is on us to act like it. Can we parent God’s way even if our children disregard us, disobey us, and disrespect us?
We’ll
delve into this more next time. Until
then, will you begin today to search the Scriptures for God’s blue print for
parents? I believe you’ll be encouraged.
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