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You won’t find a formal definition of this term in the dictionary, but most married couples will recognize what spiderwebbing is. Someone starts with this point and goes to that point but doesn’t finish that point before going on to another point, not finishing that point but doubling back to an earlier point. But somehow they always bring the conversation full circle and eventually finish all the points!
Multitasking women are masters of this art. For husbands, who are normally more linear thinkers, this kind of conversation is not that simple. They are wired to finish one point completely and then move on to the next. So when his wife starts spiderwebbing, a husband is likely to get that blank, faraway look in his eyes. The wife notices this and says, “You’re not listening to me.” And on the Crazy Cycle we go!
So what couples must do is give each other a measure of grace. Husbands need to let their wives release their emotions and share their reports. Wives need to do this with as little spiderwebbing as possible, saving the longer versions for girlfriends.
Here’s how I describe the art of spiderwebbing in our Love & Respect Marriage Conference.
~Emerson
3 comments:
We didn't call it spiderwebbing until after we saw your videos, but my husband and I were very aware of this! Finally he asked me to tell him the end of the story first, and he promised to listen to all of the details (immediately) afterward.
It's a solution that works for us. He's willing to listen to the whole story after he knows the bottom line. I'm willing to give up the suspense in order to have his attention.
This is similiar to the concept int he book "Men Are Like Waffles, Woman Are Like Spagetti". Great read to help understand why men and women converse and understand the connectedness of things differently.
Spiderwebbing can be scarey to a guy, from what I've read the Black Widow will sometimes eat him alive! Is that why she's called a Widow?
Honey: I'm glad to know you are not a Black Widow, you are a loving and kind treasure. When I travel on the roller-coaster of your web I find that we both have quite a journey.
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