Photo Credit: artfire.com |
I proposed
to Sarah when we were both still in college, and she said yes. While still engaged we got a hint of how
husbands and wives can get into arguments over practically nothing.
That first Christmas Sarah made me a jean jacket. Yup…you read that right. She MADE me a jean jacket!
That first Christmas Sarah made me a jean jacket. Yup…you read that right. She MADE me a jean jacket!
I opened the
box, held up the jacket, and thanked her.
“You don’t
like it,” Sarah said.
I looked at
her with great perplexity and answered, “I do too like it.”
Adamant, she
said, “No you don’t. You aren’t
excited.”
Taken aback,
I sternly repeated, “I do too like
it.”
She shot
back, “No, you don’t. If you liked it,
you would be excited and thanking me a lot.
In my family we say, ‘Oh wow, just what I wanted!’ There is
enthusiasm! We get excited!”
That was our
introduction to how Sarah and Emerson respond to gifts. Sarah will thank people a dozen times when
something touches her deeply. Because I
did not profusely thank her, she assumed I was being polite but could hardly
wait to drop off the jacket at a Salvation Army collection center. And after she’d spent countless hours slaving
over her sewing machine to custom-make it for the love of her life!
As for me, I
felt judged for failing to be and act in a certain way. The whole jacket
scenario took me by complete surprise. I felt as if she didn’t really like who
I was.
Though neither of us clearly discerned it at the time, Sarah was feeling unloved and I was feeling disrespected. See how quickly – and how simply - this happens? Male-female differences, combined with different communication styles make for the perfect storm when we least expect it.
Will you
take note of your differing communication styles this week and remind yourself
to cut your spouse some slack? It may
keep you off the Crazy Cycle of conflict!
~Emerson
2 comments:
That happened to my husband and I this morning! I looked at my husband and said, Ok, so this is a blue glasses verses a pink glasses thing!! We are planning to attend the live conference in SC next month..can't wait!!
Great post. Simple, but to the point. We grow up and learn to do things a certain way, than we get married and our expectations are way off. Communication and knowing your partner has the best in mind for you are important points in a marriage. They are key to being successful. Sweet decal on the jacket :)
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