A Friendly Father’s Day Gift

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If you have a father, a husband who is a father, or even a brother you would like to honor on Father’s Day, I have a simple idea for you.

Be friendly.

That’s it.  Be friendly toward the man you want to honor this Father’s Day.

What do I mean?  Well, it’s as simple as it sounds.  As a man, I can tell you most of us are pretty simple.  We like simplicity in our homes and in our relationships.  Less conflict…more friendliness.

As a Dad, I remember the days when my children were young and they ran to the door to greet me, in all their enthusiasm. It was a simple gesture – but something I looked forward to at the end of a long day. 

In the same way, I like when Sarah is happy to see me and greets me with a friendly smile.  Just that simple act can ease any tension that might be in the air between us. In fact, you can change the entire atmosphere in your home by simply lessening the negativity and adapting a friendlier tone.

This is something you can do towards your Dad as well. This Father’s Day, how about giving Dad a call and in a friendly, light-hearted way, tell him one thing you enjoy about him?  Don’t go on and on…just keep it simple!  Or, if you are fortunate enough to see him, greet him with a friendly tone even if there is a history of tension between you.  Make an effort to ask him about his hobbies or his work, and then listen with genuine interest. 

This Father’s Day, try a bit of friendliness on the important men in your life.  It just might be the best gift they receive!

~Emerson

*For more on this topic, check out our new Women’s DVD Study, Respectfully Yours. 

Husbands LOVE Marriage!

Nowhere in the Bible does it say that husbands are more indifferent to marriage than wives. Nowhere. I looked at every verse on marriage in the Bible. For example, when I saw the husband breaking the covenant of marriage, as recorded in Malachi 2, I saw the wife breaking the covenant of marriage, as recorded in Proverbs 2. 

Malachi 2:14, "… the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant."
Proverbs 2:17, “ That leaves the companion of her youth And forgets the covenant of her God."

Or, when I saw a widow weeping over the loss of her husband, I saw a widower weeping over the loss of his wife. In studying the Song of Solomon, I saw a man and woman caring deeply about their relationship. Scripture assumes and asserts that both men and women have a desire -- apart from the gift of celibacy -- to marry and remain happily married. Each goes into a marriage with the expectation of experiencing love and respect (Ephesians 5:33).

Why then the attitude among some that husbands are at fault for nine out of ten problems in the marriage? Though that statistic may be high, I held to that belief myself years ago. After all, who came in for marital counseling most often? Wives! But one day the Lord spoke to my heart in an inaudible way. “Where in my Word do I reveal that men are more indifferent to marriage?" As I studied, I could not find a definitive answer on that in the Bible. 

Why did it appear that husbands resisted marriage conferences, reading marriage books, and marital counseling? Well, in fact, they did! But, I realized that speakers, authors and counselors spoke the mother tongue of wives. Few spoke the mother tongue of husbands (Ephesians 5:33b; 1 Peter 3:2). In other words, LOVE TALK -- the mother tongue of wives -- dominated the marital scene in Western culture, whereas RESPECT TALK -- the mother tongue of husbands -- capitulated to the strong voice of feminism. For some reason, no one knew how to put a voice and vocabulary to what men felt and thought. Whenever a man surfaced the notion that he needed respect, someone quickly defined his words to mean his wife must fear his dominance. Because no wife worth her salt would subscribe to such an antiquated position, the idea of respecting a husband went by the wayside. 

However, when I realized Biblically that husbands would come to the marital table with as much intensity about the relationship as wives, I launched the campaign of Love and Respect in marriage. I took the position that if I spoke both the mother tongue of wives and the mother tongue of husbands in a live conference, in a fair and balanced manner, husbands would engage the message. Interestingly, when I first talked with a publisher about the Love and Respect book, the publisher urged me to write the book to wives. I asked, "Why?" The publisher responded, "Because women read the books on marriage." I then said, "Did it ever occur to you that women read the books on marriage because authors write those books in the mother tongue of these women? Let me write this book in a fair and balanced way and men will buy this book." 

I don't have gender statistics on who purchases the Love and Respect book, but I know that 49% of those who initiate coming to the Love and Respect marriage conference are men. I assume the same about the book. I continue to receive this kind of e-mail:

“My husband became acquainted with this book… and at his request I purchased this book. He read the book first while away on a trip to see my parents, and he called me on the first day of his trip and said someone wrote a book about us! He was so excited about how we could improve our marriage. We have been married for 24 years and things were ok. But, we both knew that we were in for major changes because our youngest left for college this past fall. We knew we needed help… We discussed it and put it into practice. Our friends all noticed a great change in our marriage/relationship, and most of all our relationship with God. Since then I have been asked to lead an adult Sunday school class. They all wanted to do this study. They want to know the 'secret'. So I have started a class with the average attendance of 20 adults. The class has members from 55-24, married, divorced, and single. Everyone is purchasing the book and workbook. My husband and I have purchased the DVDs also to use along with the study. I know this changed and saved our marriage…. Thank you for writing a book that spoke to me and my husband. Even my children who are 21 and 18 have noticed the change. My son and his girlfriend are getting this book for Christmas.” K.C.

Husbands get excited about their marriages when we reintroduce RESPECT TALK, their mother tongue, to the marriage equation. Husbands love marriage!

~Emerson

Originally Posted 10/22/08

A Post for the Men: Mother's Day Affirmations

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It has been said that one of the best ways to love a wife is to love her children.  One mom shared with us that each night when her husband tucks their 2 girls in bed, he says to them:

"I'll always love you no matter what.  I'll always be proud of you no matter what.  And you can talk to me about anything." 

Recently this couple went through a rough patch in their marriage that resulted in them hearing about the Love & Respect principles.  This husband made a decision to adapt what he was saying to his daughters each night, to his wife:

"I love you.  I'm proud of you.  And I'll never leave you."

With these few words, this husband is showing his wife 3 key principles from COUPLE daily:  Closeness, Loyalty, and Esteem.  She shared how she feels comforted each night by his words.  And as a Dad, he is giving his 2 little girls the powerful gifts of unconditional love, esteem, understanding and loyalty.  Priceless gifts!

Men, will you take this Mother’s Day as an opportunity to affirm the women you love? There are many simple ways you can communicate your love and appreciation for the women who serve and love others tirelessly. Whether it’s your Mom or Mother-in-law, your wife or your daughter, your simple words of affirmation ensure comfort and a lasting legacy.  This is the gift that keeps on giving through the generations!

~Emerson and Sarah

“I Prayed for God to Heal my Marriage” ~ Tony & Ginger Buffkin Video Testimony

Continuing our theme on the resurrection and healing power of God, meet Tony and Ginger. Be encouraged as they share how their broken marriage was restored. As Tony states, Love and Respect “is good, practical, down-to-earth advice.”

Listen as they share how these principles helped them see each other in a new way and how they made a conscious choice to do things differently.


 

AACC Marriage America ~ Dr. Emerson Eggerichs ~ American Family Radio Interview (Part Two)

Earlier this month we had the privilege of attending and speaking at the AACC Marriage America Conference in Orlando, Florida. 

This week we are sharing Part Two of Emerson’s interview with American Family Radio. Get a glimpse of what Love and Respect is all about, how it started, and what we mean by the Crazy Cycle!  

The Wounded Healer – American Family Radio Interview (Part One)

Last week Emerson had the privilege to attend and speak at the AACC Marriage America Conference in Orlando, Florida. 

American Family Radio interviewed Emerson on site at the AACC Conference and we’d like to share Part One with you today.  Get a rare glimpse of his own personal testimony and hear his encouragement that we all have the privilege to be Wounded Healers.

“We are the true physicians of the soul. Many of us can do that because we have our own past pain.

We all come to a point where these past issues, these wounds, might enable us to understand the pain of others."

~Emerson

Easter ~ A Marriage Resurrected!

Dear Friends,

During this Easter season let's be reminded that the Resurrected Christ is able to bring a dead marriage back to life... 

Read this amazing story! ~Emerson

A Marriage Resurrected!

About 6 years ago my husband and I were in a terrible place in our marriage. We had just welcomed our 2nd child into our little family. Unfortunately she came into a not so healthy marriage/family. My husband and I were very unloving and disrespectful to each other and we were barely hanging in there.

When our daughter was 6 months old our marriage was rocked by infidelity and we separated. I was devastated and left with a precious 3 year old son and beautiful 6 month old baby girl. My biggest fear all my life was to be a single parent. I grew up in a broken home (actually never met my earthly father) and had several step-fathers. My husband also came from a broken home (his dad exited when he was a baby). It was a dark and depressing time in our lives. We were not attending church and honestly did not have a real relationship with Christ.

While we were separated a dear friend of mine suggested we meet with her small group leaders and by God’s great plan they had another couple there that my husband and I immediately connected with. At this time we both had divorce attorneys and had little hope. The couple that we connected with became Godly mentors to us. They kept in touch with us, encouraged us and always pointed us back to the Lord.

During this time I began going to church and was doing a lot of reading recommended by my mentor…I realized very quickly I had been disrespecting my husband since day one! It was a shot to the heart. I sat down, wrote him an email and asked for forgiveness for being so disrespectful...It was like blinders had been removed from my eyes. I was at a place of brokenness in understanding my huge part in where our marriage was and how I had hurt this man that I loved deeply. I quickly realized how controlling and disrespectful I had been; I also realized that type of behavior was what I had seen in my own family for years and had a deeper understanding of why my mother’s relationships always failed. I did not want to be a failure.

My husband began coming to church with me and God was doing an amazing work in him as well. I witnessed God break him down and rebuild him, me, and our family. It was a season of hard growth, forgiveness and witnessing miracles. It took about 2 years for us to come out of the storm; there were lots of good days and bad days until one day we looked around and the bad days were very far and few between.

We have since led the Love and Respect small group 8 times (around 100 couples)! This concept played a pivotal role in changing the tide in our marriage from divorce to reconciliation. We have started a new ministry in our church called Marriage Mentoring. We have an intense desire to help marriages, and we believe if two stubborn, selfish people like us could let God change our hearts, well anyone can!!

Your ministry helped save our marriage! If it was not for your book we would be unhappy, bitter, divorced parents continuing a legacy of divorce and a broken family to our beautiful children. The world is full of hurting marriages and if they could apply even a small amount of this message it would change the legacy we are leaving.

~Shannon & April

If you have a testimony of how the Love & Respect message 

has impacted your marriage, we invite you to share that with us here.