January 5, 2009


"I am making a decision independent of my spouse to move forward positively in this marriage."

Each year people touch me deeply with this kind of decision. That decision may not be fair to the person making the decision but that decision reflects his/her maturity. This individual knows that he/she cannot control the outcomes in a spouse but can only control the outcome in himself/herself. In other words, a husband knows that he cannot control his wife's reactions but can only control his own reactions -- with God's help.

How about you? Are you at a place of making an inner resolution? Listen to these folks: “I have resolved that I have to be the one to take the steps… I have resolved to try all the things in your book… I have resolved to finally accept the fact that I have to make some changes.”

Here are some specific inner resolutions some have made.

A wife writes, "I realized that I had been holding my husband responsible to meet most if not all of my needs. And my standard of perfection was keeping me from being generous with him in my heart. He was sincerely trying to meet some of my emotional needs and I was standing there with my arms crossed saying ‘close but no cigar!’ So I was pondering that a bit since Sunday, and I HAVE DECIDED that I am going to aim for being ‘reasonably happy’ in my marriage. Just medium. Just peace most of the time, and a lessening of the arguments."

A husband emails, "After reading the section in Dr Eggerichs' book Love & Respect on "The Husband Who Never Stopped Loving" … and experiencing the Lord's incredible power, last night at Saddleback's Night of Worship I HAVE DECIDED to sign and send to you my Stander's Affirmation." In that affirmation, he decided to love his wife unconditionally.

A wife expresses, "I'VE DECIDED I'm going to pray for Keith again and I hope that the Holy Spirit will convict his heart and renew a right heart within Keith. He has not been faithful to his marriage vows." Another gal writes, "I HAVE DECIDED not to nag or embarrass him, but I am going to pray, pray, pray!"

A husband writes about honesty, "You are perhaps the only person that has the data and the background/perspective to answer. To get a useful answer, I HAVE DECIDED to be completely honest with you … ‘the whole truth’. I ask that you keep this confidential."

"Although I know our marriage has never been all that happy and I have Biblical grounds for divorce, at this point I HAVE DECIDED to stay in the marriage. My husband says he is committed to our marriage now and is willing to do what it takes."

A husband writes, "After listening to Allison rave about these books, I HAVE DECIDED to read them with an open heart and mind, and see if God can bring my marriage back to life."

Another says, "I hate what I've become and I’VE DECIDED to just dedicate myself to God." And still another, "I have decided to leave it up to God."

Is there a decision you need to make? What?

The Bible reveals that there come moments when we must "determine" (Romans 14:13) to remove the negative factors undermining relationships and be "determined" to centrally focus on God in the midst of life's happenings (1 Corinthians 2:2).

Will you say, "I have decided"? If so, I believe good things are in store for you. Get ready!

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