Easter ~ A Marriage Resurrected!

Dear Friends,

During this Easter season let's be reminded that the Resurrected Christ is able to bring a dead marriage back to life... 

Read this amazing story! ~Emerson

A Marriage Resurrected!

About 6 years ago my husband and I were in a terrible place in our marriage. We had just welcomed our 2nd child into our little family. Unfortunately she came into a not so healthy marriage/family. My husband and I were very unloving and disrespectful to each other and we were barely hanging in there.

When our daughter was 6 months old our marriage was rocked by infidelity and we separated. I was devastated and left with a precious 3 year old son and beautiful 6 month old baby girl. My biggest fear all my life was to be a single parent. I grew up in a broken home (actually never met my earthly father) and had several step-fathers. My husband also came from a broken home (his dad exited when he was a baby). It was a dark and depressing time in our lives. We were not attending church and honestly did not have a real relationship with Christ.

While we were separated a dear friend of mine suggested we meet with her small group leaders and by God’s great plan they had another couple there that my husband and I immediately connected with. At this time we both had divorce attorneys and had little hope. The couple that we connected with became Godly mentors to us. They kept in touch with us, encouraged us and always pointed us back to the Lord.

During this time I began going to church and was doing a lot of reading recommended by my mentor…I realized very quickly I had been disrespecting my husband since day one! It was a shot to the heart. I sat down, wrote him an email and asked for forgiveness for being so disrespectful...It was like blinders had been removed from my eyes. I was at a place of brokenness in understanding my huge part in where our marriage was and how I had hurt this man that I loved deeply. I quickly realized how controlling and disrespectful I had been; I also realized that type of behavior was what I had seen in my own family for years and had a deeper understanding of why my mother’s relationships always failed. I did not want to be a failure.

My husband began coming to church with me and God was doing an amazing work in him as well. I witnessed God break him down and rebuild him, me, and our family. It was a season of hard growth, forgiveness and witnessing miracles. It took about 2 years for us to come out of the storm; there were lots of good days and bad days until one day we looked around and the bad days were very far and few between.

We have since led the Love and Respect small group 8 times (around 100 couples)! This concept played a pivotal role in changing the tide in our marriage from divorce to reconciliation. We have started a new ministry in our church called Marriage Mentoring. We have an intense desire to help marriages, and we believe if two stubborn, selfish people like us could let God change our hearts, well anyone can!!

Your ministry helped save our marriage! If it was not for your book we would be unhappy, bitter, divorced parents continuing a legacy of divorce and a broken family to our beautiful children. The world is full of hurting marriages and if they could apply even a small amount of this message it would change the legacy we are leaving.

~Shannon & April

If you have a testimony of how the Love & Respect message 

has impacted your marriage, we invite you to share that with us here. 

A Different Valentine’s Day Story…

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Valentine’s Day is one of those special days like Christmas…it’s all about showing love to those who are the most special to us.  We know we should love Valentine’s Day and we should look forward to it with great anticipation.  

But many of us don’t.

For men, the pressure can be huge.  How can we measure up to the female expectation out there?  We come to dread the day.

For women, it often feels like a set-up for disappointment when we don’t get anything romantic from that special someone.  Or... worse yet…we don’t even have a special someone who loves us romantically.  We get depressed thinking about it.

Awhile back I heard from a man who experienced a big problem with Valentine’s Day. He wrote asking how he could “fix” this problem and together we figured out how to turn a losing situation into a win-win.  Read on for a different kind of Valentine’s story.

Dear Dr E,
My wife and I were always on the Crazy Cycle and ended up separated for 2 years.  During this time she gave me your book.  I read the whole book in two nights…it really opened my eyes to a great deal of the problems that we were facing.  So I took your advice and began a new chapter in our lives.  I went to my wife, told her I was sorry for all my words and actions that I did that were unloving to her.  I also told her that some of her past words and actions were disrespectful to me but that I should have talked to her about them at the time instead of keeping things bottled up (stonewalling).  I know the road is going to be long and hard, but for the first time in the past 2 years I see real hope for us.

Here is my SERIOUS problem.  I moved out of the house on February 14th…Yep, Valentine’s Day.  On the day I moved out I wasn’t thinking at all about it being Valentine’s Day, and now every February 14^th brings back hurt and pain to both of us.  Do you have any recommendation at all as to how we should deal with future Valentine’s Days so that we can reclaim that day as one of love and respect? 

Emerson says: Your words are a powerful testimony.  In answer to your question, here is one thought. The Bible says, “Where sin increased, grace abounded all the more (Romans 5:20).”  In your case, see the sinful Valentine’s Day as a day also that resulted in God’s grace coming to you in a greater way.

Because that Valentine’s Day was so sinful to you, see that as something which triggered God’s grace.  Your sin, as bad as it was, resulted in you seeking God’s forgiveness and your wife’s.  The irony is this:  because of your sin, you experienced God’s grace.

Let me insert, the critics of Paul, who wrote Romans 5:20, said that he was encouraging people to sin in order to receive God's grace. But Paul countered in Romans 6:1,2, "What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be!" In other words, when we sin, God's grace can come. But we don't sin in order for God's grace to come.

In your case, you sinned and sought God's forgiveness. As a result, God has given you a greater grace. So, in that sense, thank God for Valentine's Day. Consequently, each time Valentine's Day reminds you of your sin, go one step further and let it remind you that you have God's greater grace.

The cross of Jesus was a cruel and evil means of execution but God turned the cross into the means of redemption. Let God take your sin and turn it into something good.
~Emerson

This husband took this challenge as a man of honor.  He responded:  “I will strive to make every Valentine's Day from here on out my personal day of redemption.  I will strive to show my wife that although I sinned, I have repented and will use each and every Valentine's Day to show her that.  Thank you.”

How about you?  Does Valentine’s Day hold bad memories for you?  Will you vow to turn this day of “love” into a day of redemption?  No matter what your situation, thank God for His forgiveness and grace!  Let this Valentine’s Day be a new beginning for you…whether this means starting anew in your relationship, or releasing bitterness over a past relationship.  Extend forgiveness whether it is towards yourself or towards your loved one.  Our God is a God of redemption…even on Valentine’s Day!

Happy Love & Respect Valentine’s Day to all!

~Emerson