A Husband Finds the Log in His Own Eye

This testimony prompted deep gratefulness in my heart! 

My wife and I were born into families that did not necessarily set us up for success. We married in between our junior and senior year of undergrad (college). 

I loved my wife dearly, but by far spent more of my time thinking about the “husband is the head of the home” scriptures. The first several months of my marriage I think I spent a lot more time “beating my chest” about those scriptures than thinking in particular about Heather’s concerns or my responsibility to her as a husband, even after she became pregnant a few months after marriage.  

Sometime around our 5th month of marriage or so I got it in my head that I was going to be a real spiritual husband and begin praying regularly for my wife. I would wait for Heather to go to bed and wait until she was asleep, then I would go in and pray. My prayers were usually along the lines of “Dear God, please make Heather a woman of prayer. Please make her a wise woman, and a good mother. Please make her a woman of your word.” Etc.  

One night about two weeks after I started doing this I went in to pray. I went to open my mouth and the Lord dropped a sentence in my mind and a revelation in my heart. The sentence was the verse, “Husbands, LOVE YOUR WIVES AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH.” I had read this several times before but had glossed completely over it because of my lack of understanding, selfishness, etc. The Lord drilled it into my mind.  

At the same time He dropped a revelation into my heart, which occurred amazingly fast but essentially took me back through my married life with Heather and showed me just how much I had been putting conditions on Heather as to whether I would love her or not.  

Even the “praying” I had been doing was really my bringing to God a list of the things I wanted in a wife, more conditions to love her by. I was thinking “I will love her if…” I had never seen it, and I was floored, really speechless.  

When I finally started talking all I could say was to tell the Lord that I loved my wife over and over. 

I stewed on this for a few weeks and then when Heather and I were taking a trip I took the concentrated alone time in the car to tell her about what God had convicted me of and to repent to her for loving her conditionally, and I committed to her to love her unconditionally. It was a beginning to a very new time in our marriage.  

I have always believed that one of the reasons why God could come and deal with me so severely (Thank Him for it!) was because Heather was not in disobedience (to God). It kind of had a feel of “Heather, why don’t you just step aside and let Me take care of this knuckle head for you…Whack!” 

So I spent the next 14 years pretty aggressively going after “Husbands, love your wives...” We of course had our spats and failures, and whatever my desire was I certainly didn’t always love her as I knew I should, but it was my goal.  

Right now I am going through your material with a group for the third time and enjoying it thoroughly. I suppose I am a Love and Respect Zealot. I appreciate your example in the DVD teachings of holding up Love and Respect together to be valued. I seek the Lord to be balanced with the truth and watching the DVDs is a great help. (Bill) 

I salute Bill as a true man of honor! As you read these verses, replace “your brother” with your spouse’s name.

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Luke 6:41, 42 (NASB) says: “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or, how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.” 

I am inspired to take a fresh look at the logs in my own eye. How about you?

~Emerson

See other testimonials and share your marriage testimony with us here.

Husbands LOVE Marriage!

Nowhere in the Bible does it say that husbands are more indifferent to marriage than wives. Nowhere. I looked at every verse on marriage in the Bible. For example, when I saw the husband breaking the covenant of marriage, as recorded in Malachi 2, I saw the wife breaking the covenant of marriage, as recorded in Proverbs 2. 

Malachi 2:14, "… the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant."
Proverbs 2:17, “ That leaves the companion of her youth And forgets the covenant of her God."

Or, when I saw a widow weeping over the loss of her husband, I saw a widower weeping over the loss of his wife. In studying the Song of Solomon, I saw a man and woman caring deeply about their relationship. Scripture assumes and asserts that both men and women have a desire -- apart from the gift of celibacy -- to marry and remain happily married. Each goes into a marriage with the expectation of experiencing love and respect (Ephesians 5:33).

Why then the attitude among some that husbands are at fault for nine out of ten problems in the marriage? Though that statistic may be high, I held to that belief myself years ago. After all, who came in for marital counseling most often? Wives! But one day the Lord spoke to my heart in an inaudible way. “Where in my Word do I reveal that men are more indifferent to marriage?" As I studied, I could not find a definitive answer on that in the Bible. 

Why did it appear that husbands resisted marriage conferences, reading marriage books, and marital counseling? Well, in fact, they did! But, I realized that speakers, authors and counselors spoke the mother tongue of wives. Few spoke the mother tongue of husbands (Ephesians 5:33b; 1 Peter 3:2). In other words, LOVE TALK -- the mother tongue of wives -- dominated the marital scene in Western culture, whereas RESPECT TALK -- the mother tongue of husbands -- capitulated to the strong voice of feminism. For some reason, no one knew how to put a voice and vocabulary to what men felt and thought. Whenever a man surfaced the notion that he needed respect, someone quickly defined his words to mean his wife must fear his dominance. Because no wife worth her salt would subscribe to such an antiquated position, the idea of respecting a husband went by the wayside. 

However, when I realized Biblically that husbands would come to the marital table with as much intensity about the relationship as wives, I launched the campaign of Love and Respect in marriage. I took the position that if I spoke both the mother tongue of wives and the mother tongue of husbands in a live conference, in a fair and balanced manner, husbands would engage the message. Interestingly, when I first talked with a publisher about the Love and Respect book, the publisher urged me to write the book to wives. I asked, "Why?" The publisher responded, "Because women read the books on marriage." I then said, "Did it ever occur to you that women read the books on marriage because authors write those books in the mother tongue of these women? Let me write this book in a fair and balanced way and men will buy this book." 

I don't have gender statistics on who purchases the Love and Respect book, but I know that 49% of those who initiate coming to the Love and Respect marriage conference are men. I assume the same about the book. I continue to receive this kind of e-mail:

“My husband became acquainted with this book… and at his request I purchased this book. He read the book first while away on a trip to see my parents, and he called me on the first day of his trip and said someone wrote a book about us! He was so excited about how we could improve our marriage. We have been married for 24 years and things were ok. But, we both knew that we were in for major changes because our youngest left for college this past fall. We knew we needed help… We discussed it and put it into practice. Our friends all noticed a great change in our marriage/relationship, and most of all our relationship with God. Since then I have been asked to lead an adult Sunday school class. They all wanted to do this study. They want to know the 'secret'. So I have started a class with the average attendance of 20 adults. The class has members from 55-24, married, divorced, and single. Everyone is purchasing the book and workbook. My husband and I have purchased the DVDs also to use along with the study. I know this changed and saved our marriage…. Thank you for writing a book that spoke to me and my husband. Even my children who are 21 and 18 have noticed the change. My son and his girlfriend are getting this book for Christmas.” K.C.

Husbands get excited about their marriages when we reintroduce RESPECT TALK, their mother tongue, to the marriage equation. Husbands love marriage!

~Emerson

Originally Posted 10/22/08

"ME AND MY WIFE WANTED A BABY"

Romance goes beyond gift-wrapped chocolate, twelve long-stemmed roses, and candlelight dinners.

I say this because today I met an extraordinary husband at the car dealership. Hector drives the shuttle van, returning customers to their homes while their auto undergoes repair. As Hector drove me home I noticed a finger missing from his hand. I asked, "How did you lose your finger?" With his Puerto Rican accent he answered, "Oh, years ago I worked at the Schwinn factory in Chicago and I accidentally hit a button at my workstation that started the cutting blade. My finger was gone before I knew what happened."

As he continued to share, he started laughing when he told me about Willie, a fellow worker at the Schwinn factory, who stood 6 foot five and 250 pounds. “I turned to Willie, who worked next to me, and said ‘I cut off my finger.’ Willie didn't believe me. ‘Don’t joke with me man.’ So I hold up my hand. When Willie saw my missin’ finger, he fainted right on the spot. Kaboom. So I started yellin’, ‘Everybody come here. Willie needs help. Willie just fainted. Somebody help Willie!’ When people came running they asked, ‘Why did Willie faint?’I held up my hand with the missing finger. People couldn't believe it. Man, they started scrambling to get me to the hospital, especially because I was bleeding so badly. It was ugly."

Here's the extraordinary husband part.

Nonchalantly Hector said, "When I got to the hospital they wanted to give me shots to numb my finger and hand. But me and my wife were trying to have a kid, and having trouble. I didn't want no medication to stop us from having a kid. So I told the doctor, ‘No shots.’ He gave me 300 stitches without any painkiller. He was an older doctor and told me that he never had a patient like me in all his years of practice. But to me I had to do it. Me and my wife wanted a baby. So, I sat there and prayed for strength. ‘Dear God help me.’ God give me the strength.”

And God gave him more. Later they had a daughter.

Too often we miss the incredible sacrifices that husbands go through for their wives because there's no romance connected to it. Who gets sentimental feelings when hearing about a lost finger? Sadly, many unsung heroic acts happen out of sight of the candlelight dinner.

As far as I know, judging from Hector's character, he probably downplayed to his wife the sacrifice he made for her that day. Yet, here is a man who endured immeasurable suffering in order to give a gift to his wife of a precious baby.

That's love.

But you will never see it on a Hallmark card. What should Hallmark do, take a picture of Hector’s hand with a missing finger? No way. Willie will faint, and the public will express repulsion at Hallmark for the crassness.

No sentimentality there. Hector needs to buy candy as a surprise.

That's love.

Yet as I sat there, one man listening to another man, tears filled my eyes over the sweetness of this husband’s tender decision to experience torture for his wife and future child.

That's a Hallmark moment. But to see it, you gotta ask, “Hector, how did you lose your finger?” If you don't ask, the answer remains in the darkness beyond the flickering light of the candlelight dinner.