In Marriage, We Will Have Trouble!

I even go so far as to say that God has designed conflict in marriage.

Yes, God desires that we all live in harmony, but that doesn’t mean we will live in an environment free from all conflict (or trouble). 

But conflict itself is not sin. 

God designed us with differing preferences.  In marriage, husbands and wives have different preferences that are not sin issues…they are simply differences.  How we deal with these differences can lead to sin rather than harmony….but having differences (i.e. conflicting preferences) does not mean we aren’t living in harmony. 

It is how we deal with those conflicts that will either lead to harmony or sin.

In 1 Corinthians 7:28 the Apostle Paul says that we will have "trouble" if we marry.  Marriages bring trouble. That comes as no surprise to those of us who are married! But Paul does not label this "trouble" as evidence of sin or the result of sin per se. His very point is that if you marry, you have not sinned.

In other words, marriage brings troubles, and those troubles are inevitable.  If you marry, get ready for troubles.  He does not pass judgment on this trouble as evil or sinful.

So what does he mean by trouble?  Earlier he illustrated exactly what he means by trouble. Every text has a context!

1Co 7:3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

1Co 7:4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

When saying the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does, and the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does, he is talking of the sexual relationship. 

What is Paul saying?  Paul is getting real.  Paul is saying, to paraphrase, "Look, you are going to have trouble in your marriage when it comes to sex.  On Tuesday night when the husband wants sex and the wife does not want sex, who decides?  Get ready for trouble.  Or, if the wife wants sex and the husband does not want sex, who decides?  Get ready for trouble.   In this text, both have equal authority in the sexual realm.

So - some, not all, conflict or trouble is the result of God's design and is in keeping with his will, and therefore we should not freak out when it happens.  This is the good news. We should not panic, feeling we made a mistake in marrying this person because we have these ongoing troubles.  If these troubles are not evil but the typical conflicts day by day, you are very much in God's will. 

Don't bail out.  Don't say your marriage isn't working because of these frustrations.  Instead, focus on dealing with those conflicts in a way that leads to harmony, not sin.

~Emerson

BRILLIANT OBSERVATIONS BY TWO MEN!

On the loveandrespect.com Forum a father, and husband, writes, “I had an amazing revelation into the pink mind yesterday, thanks to my 5-year-old daughter. My wife was working, and my daughter and I had gone to church, then to some friends’ house for lunch. We returned home about 2:30 to find the back gate open and her little Boston Terrier nowhere to be found.

“I broke the news to her as gently as possible and she was so brave! We got back into the car and drove the neighborhood for a couple of miles each direction, but no dog anywhere. When we came back home, I went over to the neighbor’s house to see if they had seen her, and they hadn’t, but promised to keep an eye out for her. That’s when my daughter really lost it and just started bawling. I honestly thought we had seen the last of the dog (it’s not a very common breed around here, and they are very hard to find), but we prayed and asked Jesus to bring the dog home.

“We made some signs and posted them in the neighborhood, and about an hour later, we got a call from a lady about ½ mile away. Our dog had followed her son home, and they had her. Needless to say, my daughter was overjoyed! We went and got the dog, and then were going to the neighbor’s house to tell them we had found her. On the way, my daughter said ‘make sure you tell them the WHOLE story!!’ I said ok, and we knocked on the door. I told them that we had put up signs, and that someone had found her and called. We said bye to the neighbors and went home, and my daughter was very upset with me.

“’You didn’t tell them the WHOLE story!!!’

“I asked her what she meant. She said, ‘I said tell them the whole story… We drove through the whole neighborhood, we couldn’t find the dog, we asked Jesus to help us find the dog, I started crying really hard, we made signs and drove all around putting them up, we came back home, we ate a bunch of candy to make me feel better, I played with my toys for a while, then we laid down for a few minutes, then the phone rang, and it was the lady who found the dog, then we got back in the car and drove to her house, and we got the dog, then we drove back home’….. You didn’t tell them the WHOLE story!!!’

“If my wife would have done that to me, I would have gotten aggravated, thinking ‘I told them the whole story. We put up signs and found the dog. That’s the whole story in a nutshell, and they don’t care about all of the details.’ But coming from my little pink 5-year-old, it really struck home with me. She’s pink, and she really cares about all the juicy details of an otherwise pretty simple story. It made me chuckle, but it also made me think. When my wife presses me for details, she may not be prying, she might just be wanting to know all of the details because she’s pink and she’s just like that.

“God, help me to be more understanding and recognize that the pinks in my life need me to understand them and speak their language. Help me to not be defensive, but to realize that I have a deficiency in understanding their needs and make-up, and use these times to reach out and try to know them better, so I can better meet their needs and be the father and husband You want me to be.”

Another father chimed in on the Forum, “A little light bulb moment from the above for me: When you're a fan of something - this is pink or blue, I believe - we want to know the whole story. How many of you guys want to hear or watch detail of the game, or the car-rebuilding show, or that "super weapons" technical show on Discovery? How many of you can spout off sports stats or the specs of a fighter jet or a golf course? Our women - wives or girlfiends or daughters - are our fans - or they should be. They want to know everything about us. They want to know the whole story, all the details. When we snub them, we come off like a celebrity sneering at a waiting fan - and they are crushed. If we crush them a few times, they won't be our fans for long...then we wonder why?”

Brilliant observations gentlemen! Brilliant.