Showing posts with label culture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label culture. Show all posts

October 3, 2012

A Cross-Cultural Message


Occasionally someone will say to me, “Emerson, I’m contemplating your theory of love and respect…and I think you may be on to something.”  I smile at this but I also clarify that this isn’t “my theory”…this is a command from the all-wise God in Ephesians 5:33, and this is why it is a message that resonates around the world. It’s not a message exclusive to Americans, or a certain age group, or ethnic group.  The Love & Respect message is for men and women everywhere.

We often hear inspiring stories from people of all cultural backgrounds and from countries across the globe.  Here is one that speaks to the power of this message that crosses all cultural barriers. 


My husband and I read your book while engaged, and it was an enormous help to us. Actually, we were living in a Muslim country at the time, where my husband is originally from. We joined a small group of other Christian believers who were also interested in reading through the book, and we discussed it weekly.

All of us felt the truths in the book were absolutely fundamental. My husband and I come from two different cultures--East and West--and yet, we consistently find that our most significant differences come from being male and female! This book helped us to understand each other better and see God's beautiful design for marriage.

After finishing the book, our little group actually ran two seminars in the same country, based on the book. The people who attended were so enthusiastic about the principles. This was huge, because this is a place where marital strife is rampant. Divorce has not been high (though that is changing), but often couples have lived together in deep frustration and anger for years.

Your message is so significant to the Muslim world. Sometimes American Christians want to come and preach a very feminist version of the Gospel to "liberate" Muslim women. But actually, we believe that your book really holds the key to peace in relationships…we really feel that in seeing the functionality of the principles in Love and Respect, many people can come to a very real understanding of the unconditional love of Christ.

March 22, 2012

FAQ: I am no longer in love with my husband. In fact, I don’t believe I ever loved him. Wouldn’t it be better for both of us if we get a divorce?


Can I lovingly challenge you?  You are hurting and are about to make a major and I believe a wrong decision.  Pull back.  I cannot justify a divorce based on your report here.

I don't know if you are a Christ-follower, but my view of marriage is based on Christ's commands in the Bible.  God hates divorce, and only allows for biblical divorce based on desertion or adultery.  I assume from your letter that this is not the case for you.  You are saying you do not love your husband and never did love him, therefore you want a divorce. But this is not biblical.  In fact, marriages in biblical times were pre-arranged and "love" as we define it was not even considered.  Half of the marriages around the world are assigned by parents. In these cases, two people learn to love one another.


We know that a person can learn to love and that love does develop and deepen over time.  In fact, even couples who are madly infatuated with one another on their wedding day will have to face this reality over time.  The "feelings" of love disappear as the difficulties of life take over.  Every couple experiences this.  "Love" as they knew it on their wedding day fades.  This is why the divorce rate is out of control. Couples no longer believe in commitment, so they divorce as soon as those feelings of love disappear.  You may not have felt that love even on your wedding day, but today your situation is no different than countless others who "lose" the feeling of love.

We live in a culture where feelings determine everything.  You may have fallen victim to this and now feel overwhelmed by what appears as total darkness and despair.


So, your greatest struggle is to trust and obey Jesus Christ during this time, and act in loving ways because of your faith in Him.  Is this possible?  I believe it is.  In fact, this is what the Bible teaches.  This is God's design for marriage, that we love our spouse AS UNTO CHRIST and not because we FEEL love or because they DESERVE love. (For more understanding on this, read chapters 23 and 24 on The Rewarded Cycle in the book Love and Respect.)


Do the love and respect principles "work" when we do not feel love or respect for our spouse?  Absolutely!  This is what it is all about – giving to someone else no matter what we feel!  I know this sounds impossible and it may even sound harsh to you.  But what if feelings of love for your husband develop after you act in obedience to Christ?  I believe this is not only possible, it is quite likely.  As you get outside of yourself and focus more on the other person, amazing things can happen.


Husband or wife, to abandon your marriage because of your feelings is a grave mistake.  The consequences for this will be serious, both in your soul and in your heart. Christ's commands are there to protect us, not to punish us.  He knows the consequences of divorce will be grave.  He wants to spare you from this because He loves you deeply.


So what should you do?  Find a godly wise mentor who will come alongside you and support you in living out the Rewarded Cycle.  Put your faith in Christ and trust Him with your marriage.  Fulfill the commitment you made on your wedding day, as you made the vow to love in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, so long as you both shall live.  As you focus on your relationship with Christ, He will strengthen you to stay the course and He will give you the desires of your heart!

Are you allowing God to encourage you, or have you closed off to Him?


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