We don’t hear too much about submission anymore. And if we do, it’s usually a command to the wife, to submit to her husband. Still, this is considered a bit archaic in today’s modern culture.
But what does the Bible say? Before the section on marriage in Ephesians 5, we read in verse 21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Should a husband submit to his wife? Yes. He submits to his wife’s need to feel loved. I take this position by combining God’s command in Ephesians 5:21 to mutually submit, with God’s command in Ephesians 5:25-31 to a husband to love his wife.
Juxtaposition, a wife submits to her husband's need to feel respected. I take this position by combining God's command in Ephesians 5:22-24 to a wife submitting to her husband, with God's command in Ephesians 5:33 to a wife to respect her husband.
Beautifully a husband and wife mutually submit during a conflict when a husband submits to his wife's need to feel loved during the argument and a wife submits to her husband's need to feel respected during the argument!
In the Bible, Hosea serves as a godly example of a man who submitted to his wife’s need for love during a major breakdown in their marriage. In Hosea 3:1 God says to Hosea, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress.” Gomer did not deserve love but Hosea deferred to her need for love.
What might that look like in today’s culture? Like Hosea, listen to this husband who put on love to win his wife back. Though he contributed to the marital difficulties, when he submitted to his wife’s need for his love, God gave him favor. He writes:
"I have been married for 10 years. About once or twice a year we'd have a big argument where she would give me the laundry list of all the things I was doing wrong and ask why I hated her. I was always surprised - I thought I loved her very much, and by biting the bullet and not letting her emasculating behaviors toward me effect me, I thought I was being the bigger, better man. In reality, I was the king of the stone wall. The only time I would show her any tenderness at all was when I wanted to have sex... which was constantly... so I thought I was showing love on a regular basis.
"She became desperate for me to love her, which I thought I did. Only now do I realize that my behavior was telling her just the opposite. I came to understand (she) had been having an affair for a couple of months. This rocked my world. It never occurred to me that she would ever cheat on me. This devastated me.
Right in the middle of this, I was visiting my in-laws and my brother-in-law had your book, Love & Respect sitting on his table. Through your book, I came to realize that I had failed in my greatest task - to love my wife as Christ loves the church. Never before in our marriage had I seen how MY behavior was affecting my wife. I never believed her - or even stopped to listen - when she said things like ‘why do you hate me’ because I had never said those words to her in my life. I thought she must be crazy. But after reading your book, I now see how my stone-walling and my hard and closed-off heart gave her exactly that message. I was selfish, hard-hearted, and closed.
"I hit my knees and begged God for the grace to change and the grace to forgive her. And boy did He ever grant that. I've never understood the idea of ‘the fervent prayers of a righteous man avail much' until that moment. I prayed, and the Lord answered my prayers. The wall of stone around my heart was crushed and broken.
Armed with the knowledge from your book, I began to love my wife the way I should have been doing for the last 10 years. My wife had decided to leave me. She just couldn't take it anymore. But, I have won her back. I have been practicing ALL of the things you talk about in C.O.U.P.L.E. I have learned to love by serving. For example, my wife and I have started cooking together, and it's one of the best parts of our day. Not only have I been open and soft-hearted with her, but she has been a COMPLETELY different person towards me. I see now how my behavior affected her."
Peter tells us that God favors such husbands. Peter instructs, “be submissive” for “when you do what is right and suffer for it” and “you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God” (1 Peter 2:18-20). However, does this passage really apply to a husband? Does God really call a husband to submit to his wife?
Yes. In 1 Peter 2:13–3:7, Peter makes his main point about submission and then applies submission to citizens, slaves, wives and husbands. He says to citizens in 1 Peter 2:13, “submit yourselves.” He writes to slaves in 2:18, “be submissive.” He says in 3:1, “In the same way, you wives, be submissive." Then, and this is the clincher, he writes in 3:7, “You husbands in the same way.” To what does he refer when writing “you husbands in the same way?” In the same way that citizens submit, slaves submit and wives submit, you husbands submit. Specifically, in this text a husband submits to his wife’s need to be understood and honored. When a husband submits this way, God answers the man’s prayers (3:7)! Talk about favor!
Husband, do you want God’s favor? He favors you when you submit to your wife’s need for love, understanding, and honor! Don’t let this frighten you. Instead, try this and watch God show up. You do not lose power but experience power!
Showing posts with label 1 Peter 3:7. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 1 Peter 3:7. Show all posts
November 6, 2009
October 28, 2008
FEMINISTS REJECT THE BIBLICAL PHRASE "THE WEAKER VESSEL"
My daughter Joy, who is 26 years old, asked me to summarize for her what I say at the conference about Peter's reference to a wife as the "weaker vessel."
The importance of this phrase cannot be overlooked. Some in the secular feminist movement reject Orthodox Christianity because of the phrase "weaker vessel" (KJV) used by the apostle Peter in 1 Peter 3:7 about wives. The whole verse says, "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered" (NASB). Because of the description of the wife as "weaker" some feminists dismiss the legitimacy of the Bible. To them, the Bible errors. The Bible deviates from truth when implying a husband is the stronger sex. To state that the wife is weaker infuriates some people because this position fails to know and understand women and fails to honor women as equals.
But let's look at what Peter is saying. Peter is making several significant points.
1. In using the word "weaker" he is making a comparative statement not a qualitative statement. In other words, he is not saying that a wife is weak (a qualitative statement) but is saying that she is weaker (a comparative statement).
2. Peter is comparing the wife to her husband not to all humankind. In other words, she is weaker in relationship to one person, her husband, not to all people or all men.
3. To Peter the wife is weaker to her husband in only two areas. In the first area, when the husband refuses to live with his wife in an understanding way since she is a woman. In other words, a wife feels vulnerable and victimized when a husband shouts, "Because you are a woman no one could understand you." In the second area, when the husband refuses to honor his wife as a fellow heir the grace of life since she is a woman. In other words, a wife feels vulnerable and victimized when a husband shouts, "Because you are a woman there's no way I'm going to treat you as an equal. As a woman, you are less than equal."
4. Peter reveals that God does not listen to a husband's prayers when he refuses to live with his wife in an understanding way since she is a woman and when he refuses to honor his wife as an equal though she is a woman. This husband's prayers are "hindered.".
This begs the question: is there any difference between what Peter is writing and what the feminist movement has espoused over the decades? Has not the feminist movement done everything in its power to ensure that women are understood as women and honored as equals with men, and refuse to listen to men who argue against these two things?
When it comes to marriage, do not the feminists expect a husband to empathetically understand the femininity of his wife and to honorably treat her as his equal? Do not the feminists believe that when a husband refuses to do these two things he is victimizing his wife because of her vulnerabilities in these two areas?
Also, if a husband refused to understand his wife as a woman and refused to honor her as an equal though she was a woman, would not the feminist shout, "We will not listen to you Mr. husband nor respond to you. You have no credibility to us"? Of course, and so does God. God says to the husband that he won't listen to his prayers due to misunderstanding and dishonoring his wife. As the husband doesn't have a "prayer" with his wife when he treats her this way, nor does this husband have a prayer with God!
God's Word parallels the concerns of most feminists yet some of these feminists wrongly interpreted the apostle Peter's phrase "weaker vessel" and rejected the orthodox faith. Sadly, some evangelicals aligned themselves with the secular feminists to such an extent that these evangelicals only read Jesus and avoided the apostles Paul and Peter who they believe hold to chauvinistic views. Fortunately, when some of these folks hear what I just wrote, they change their opinion of Peter. They realize Peter espoused two major tenets of feminism before the feminists! They return to the reading of his epistles, and also Paul's epistles. They realize that orthodox Christianity is not the problem. The problem lies with the unorthodox males who defy God's word to husbands.
The importance of this phrase cannot be overlooked. Some in the secular feminist movement reject Orthodox Christianity because of the phrase "weaker vessel" (KJV) used by the apostle Peter in 1 Peter 3:7 about wives. The whole verse says, "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered" (NASB). Because of the description of the wife as "weaker" some feminists dismiss the legitimacy of the Bible. To them, the Bible errors. The Bible deviates from truth when implying a husband is the stronger sex. To state that the wife is weaker infuriates some people because this position fails to know and understand women and fails to honor women as equals.
But let's look at what Peter is saying. Peter is making several significant points.
1. In using the word "weaker" he is making a comparative statement not a qualitative statement. In other words, he is not saying that a wife is weak (a qualitative statement) but is saying that she is weaker (a comparative statement).
2. Peter is comparing the wife to her husband not to all humankind. In other words, she is weaker in relationship to one person, her husband, not to all people or all men.
3. To Peter the wife is weaker to her husband in only two areas. In the first area, when the husband refuses to live with his wife in an understanding way since she is a woman. In other words, a wife feels vulnerable and victimized when a husband shouts, "Because you are a woman no one could understand you." In the second area, when the husband refuses to honor his wife as a fellow heir the grace of life since she is a woman. In other words, a wife feels vulnerable and victimized when a husband shouts, "Because you are a woman there's no way I'm going to treat you as an equal. As a woman, you are less than equal."
4. Peter reveals that God does not listen to a husband's prayers when he refuses to live with his wife in an understanding way since she is a woman and when he refuses to honor his wife as an equal though she is a woman. This husband's prayers are "hindered.".
This begs the question: is there any difference between what Peter is writing and what the feminist movement has espoused over the decades? Has not the feminist movement done everything in its power to ensure that women are understood as women and honored as equals with men, and refuse to listen to men who argue against these two things?
When it comes to marriage, do not the feminists expect a husband to empathetically understand the femininity of his wife and to honorably treat her as his equal? Do not the feminists believe that when a husband refuses to do these two things he is victimizing his wife because of her vulnerabilities in these two areas?
Also, if a husband refused to understand his wife as a woman and refused to honor her as an equal though she was a woman, would not the feminist shout, "We will not listen to you Mr. husband nor respond to you. You have no credibility to us"? Of course, and so does God. God says to the husband that he won't listen to his prayers due to misunderstanding and dishonoring his wife. As the husband doesn't have a "prayer" with his wife when he treats her this way, nor does this husband have a prayer with God!
God's Word parallels the concerns of most feminists yet some of these feminists wrongly interpreted the apostle Peter's phrase "weaker vessel" and rejected the orthodox faith. Sadly, some evangelicals aligned themselves with the secular feminists to such an extent that these evangelicals only read Jesus and avoided the apostles Paul and Peter who they believe hold to chauvinistic views. Fortunately, when some of these folks hear what I just wrote, they change their opinion of Peter. They realize Peter espoused two major tenets of feminism before the feminists! They return to the reading of his epistles, and also Paul's epistles. They realize that orthodox Christianity is not the problem. The problem lies with the unorthodox males who defy God's word to husbands.
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